The Deep End

The joy of being a little kid and going to the swimming pool in the summer. Getting to enjoy the warmness of the sun and cool off in the water. I remember one summer I was looking forward to jumping off the high dive platform in the deep end. This platform was 3 meters (9 feet) high with 2 ladders to get to the top. To get to jump into the deep end or go down the waterslides you needed to pass a swimming test. Once you pass you receive a wristband to signal to the lifeguards you are confident to swim in that area.

I remember waiting in line to complete the test, then finally passing and being so excited. I was then confronted with getting to actually jump off. I suddenly felt anxious and fearful. I climbed up to the top to peer over the edge at how far of a jump it was to the water, then climbing back down the 2 sets of ladders as I couldn't quite bring myself to jump. I was rethinking why I even wanted to do this in the first place.

After doing this a few times and thinking through it I eventually worked up the courage within myself to jump. Standing at the top I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and jumped. The freefall was scary but exhilarating at the same time. Once I got over that initial fear I had of jumping from that high I actually had a lot of fun and kept jumping again and again.

It can be intimidating or nerve-racking to walk out into something new or to face something we are fearful of head-on. It can be super uncomfortable or overwhelming. I was recently in a situation where my experience of anxiety was becoming too overwhelming to handle on several fronts, one being my new venture of Postgraduate study in Counselling.

I was reflecting on those feelings intentionally and really wanted to overcome them. As I was reflecting and connecting with God a picture was planted in my mind of a little girl jumping into the water. The image almost occurred in slow motion. The splash of the water from the jump and hitting the surface of the water. The slow immersion into the water. As I was picturing this I was encouraged with the phrase 'to not be afraid to take the leap.'

As I pictured the girl jumping into the water I immediately experienced a sense of peace over myself. A peace that surpasses our own understanding [Phillipians 4:6-7]. This encouraged me not to feel afraid of taking the leap or of being underwater as the experience of peace is not just an endpoint to look forward to, but something we are able to hold on to as we go through the process. This verse also highlights to me that our minds and emotions can be cleansed of fear or anxiety and peace can take its place.

I am learning to see the period of being underwater, metaphorically, as a transformational process. It can easily feel like I am drowning as I am fully absorbed in something new or different. In my present, that looks like adapting to studying in a new program at a new University. I remember that as I return to the surface of the leap into this new venture and arrive at the other end of my journey I will have a new understanding and experience. That is something truly valuable and beautiful which develops through that process and is something that I will carry with me moving forward. In this process, I tap into confidence and strength that is supplied from within by God.

Here is to having the confidence to jump into the unknown and to not have fear. Or simply having confidence when you find yourself amongst the unknown, whatever that may look like for you. To hold on to peace in what can be a turbulent time and allow that to exemplify through our being. As I found after I built up the courage to jump that it was actually a lot of fun, may you too find joy and excitement in the process.

I always close my eyes and picture myself taking a deep breath and taking the leap into the deep end. No matter where you may find yourself hold on to your peace and have confidence as you take the leap into the deep end. Embrace the newness and journey that is to come.